aquamarine
February 20th, 2010, 11:51 PM
In the past few months, I have been given ample opportunity to savour the sweet presence of solitude – How, you may ask? My BSNL connection which has both my landline and my internet was in constant trouble and no amount of DH and me running from pillar to post and the number of complaints given could solve this particular problem. Thus, no communication with the outside world.
Initially it was a real dilemma as to what would I do? I was one of those unfortunate homemakers who did not have patience with the sloppy work of domestic helps’ and hence prefer to do all my work on my own with the help of DH. But since we were only the two of us this was also done in record time. This helped me out and I was able to appreciate the silent world more and more. I had no time for the idiot box, though I would watch a few shows but had no time for the so called serials and soap dramas that are passed of today on unsuspecting watchers of never ending trauma’s and tragedies. So TV watching became more of a nightmare and soon TV became a show piece sitting in the corner of my drawing room. The only time it was put to good use was when DH would switch it on to watch news. Self reflection also was a process by then as the only voice I heard was my own. DH work timings was more US based so his night was my day and vice versa. But in this ongoing process I soon discovered how many negative thoughts can be harbored in our inner self. Those thoughts that we seldom take not in daylight soon became known to me at night. I started questioning my every thoughts and action.
Enough to say that a battle had started within me. A battle of the conscious self that was more positive and buoyant with my inner self that was becoming a shade negative. Due to this my health took a turn for the worse and I had to very soon either have help or get away as I was becoming more silent and non responsive which led to constant worries for DH. Finally he lost it with me and booked a flight ticket to my mom’s place and said may be mom could work out a miracle.
Whoever said that God could not be in all places and hence he made mothers must have got it right because Mom took one look at me and rolled up her sleeves and set to work. Initially she had to be very patient as I was totally non responsive. I would do whatever task she set me to do but then would just sit still again then she put me to work in the gardens. I slowly started making an effort into making the plant bloom. As the plants bloomed, I started to regain myself. I put in all my efforts and showered them with so much love that I think the gardens sang with glory. Then mom started taking me for long walks with the pets. I always loved dogs and then it became quite a thing for me to take them walking and I would love to watch their actions. Soon I started cooking again and then the ultimate triumph for my mom – the baking of the chocolate cake. I usually baked only when I was extremely happy and all my love and happiness would turn into some baked goods. This time it was chocolate cake with orange marmalade and a chocolate glazing for icing. I was finally back on my feet. Now I was all for coming back to my home and rediscovering the joy with DH so I finally set sail to home sweet home and the waiting arms of DH.
I started putting things to right in my home and filling it with flowers and such as before. Then began my journey into rediscovering my green thumb, my garden started blooming again as I had loads of time to pamper it. I started looking more keenly into books that I had not read and catalogued them and lost no time in procuring those that were needed to complete my collection. The graphite pencils that I had discarded long back was searched out and sharpened and I started sketching again. I also found I now had the patience for that beautiful embroidery that I once abhorred long back due to my lack of patience. I found I enjoyed a good movie and was able to laugh loud again. Things are really back to normal now. Of course the greatest joy was when DH finally put it in an alternate internet connection for me to start writing and interacting again. But now I find that I am able to survive without the need for constant chatting or browsing and the TV is once again an entertainment centre, to be honest I don’t watch much of the shows but now am able to enjoy the movies that do feature without cringing at the sound.
Sometimes we are lost and need help to seek us out again. Thus my journey of becoming lost and now am found thanks to my mom, sis and the patience of my DH.
warm wishes,
aqua
Initially it was a real dilemma as to what would I do? I was one of those unfortunate homemakers who did not have patience with the sloppy work of domestic helps’ and hence prefer to do all my work on my own with the help of DH. But since we were only the two of us this was also done in record time. This helped me out and I was able to appreciate the silent world more and more. I had no time for the idiot box, though I would watch a few shows but had no time for the so called serials and soap dramas that are passed of today on unsuspecting watchers of never ending trauma’s and tragedies. So TV watching became more of a nightmare and soon TV became a show piece sitting in the corner of my drawing room. The only time it was put to good use was when DH would switch it on to watch news. Self reflection also was a process by then as the only voice I heard was my own. DH work timings was more US based so his night was my day and vice versa. But in this ongoing process I soon discovered how many negative thoughts can be harbored in our inner self. Those thoughts that we seldom take not in daylight soon became known to me at night. I started questioning my every thoughts and action.
Enough to say that a battle had started within me. A battle of the conscious self that was more positive and buoyant with my inner self that was becoming a shade negative. Due to this my health took a turn for the worse and I had to very soon either have help or get away as I was becoming more silent and non responsive which led to constant worries for DH. Finally he lost it with me and booked a flight ticket to my mom’s place and said may be mom could work out a miracle.
Whoever said that God could not be in all places and hence he made mothers must have got it right because Mom took one look at me and rolled up her sleeves and set to work. Initially she had to be very patient as I was totally non responsive. I would do whatever task she set me to do but then would just sit still again then she put me to work in the gardens. I slowly started making an effort into making the plant bloom. As the plants bloomed, I started to regain myself. I put in all my efforts and showered them with so much love that I think the gardens sang with glory. Then mom started taking me for long walks with the pets. I always loved dogs and then it became quite a thing for me to take them walking and I would love to watch their actions. Soon I started cooking again and then the ultimate triumph for my mom – the baking of the chocolate cake. I usually baked only when I was extremely happy and all my love and happiness would turn into some baked goods. This time it was chocolate cake with orange marmalade and a chocolate glazing for icing. I was finally back on my feet. Now I was all for coming back to my home and rediscovering the joy with DH so I finally set sail to home sweet home and the waiting arms of DH.
I started putting things to right in my home and filling it with flowers and such as before. Then began my journey into rediscovering my green thumb, my garden started blooming again as I had loads of time to pamper it. I started looking more keenly into books that I had not read and catalogued them and lost no time in procuring those that were needed to complete my collection. The graphite pencils that I had discarded long back was searched out and sharpened and I started sketching again. I also found I now had the patience for that beautiful embroidery that I once abhorred long back due to my lack of patience. I found I enjoyed a good movie and was able to laugh loud again. Things are really back to normal now. Of course the greatest joy was when DH finally put it in an alternate internet connection for me to start writing and interacting again. But now I find that I am able to survive without the need for constant chatting or browsing and the TV is once again an entertainment centre, to be honest I don’t watch much of the shows but now am able to enjoy the movies that do feature without cringing at the sound.
Sometimes we are lost and need help to seek us out again. Thus my journey of becoming lost and now am found thanks to my mom, sis and the patience of my DH.
warm wishes,
aqua