The Pervert Touch

[malspie]

Friends,

Today I will blog on a very important chapter of a female child! This blog hopefully should open the cobwebs of many minds and start shooting the lessons which I learnt at a tender age! Do read further for a complete insight on the captioned subject.

I was growing up fast from a baby girl to a woman. Like every mother, she was anxious, as I was in 3rd Standard and had started showing signs of growing in to a woman. Amma’s worry was not my concern nor was I eager to know about the biological changes taking place in my body. I was dragged to our family physician. My mother poured her concern to the doc. He examined me and it was a bit awkward. My cute lemon yellow frock was to be lifted and I had to! My Ammai had her eyebrows knotted and I am still wondering why this examination. I have no fever, no vomiting, no cold, no cough, Amma is worrying for nothing! The girl in me is still alive though she is going to vanish in few days or years, I am too young to decide.

Doc after his examination spoke to my mom, later I was not under any medication. I saw my mom have long quiet conversations with my Appa. My Appa’s attitude towards me had not changed; I was still jumping and clapping my hands, though my ammai’s worry was a concern! Why is she so worried about me? I have scored 93% marks, done well in my unit tests, then why this worry, I have no bad remarks in School Calendar, I was perplexed.

Ammai decided to have a chat with me. She asked me to sit and listen to all that she says attentively and patiently. I wondered where I was wrong, but still gave it a shot!

The first thing Ammai thought me was “Pervert Touch”. I was given an explanation of why boys are boys and girls are girls. She pointed out to the small biological change on my body and told me that I will grow up to be like her. I will be wearing a sari soon and will also get to use her make-up kit! I was thrilled, how much I loved to use her make-up kit, those lipsticks! My heart pounded. May be she was adding the flavors to make things lighter for me. She again came back to the “Pervert Touch”. Now, no hugging maternal or paternal uncles for that matter Appas and Ammas friends too, who are called as Uncles! Even if they do, I have to keep a check on their palm and the finger movements and immediately tell Ammai, if anyone tries to reach my new found biological growth in my body! If I disobey her, I will not be a good girl in the books of God and he will have a very strong punishment lined up for me! “Ammai stronger than the punishment, you line up”, I asked her. “Yes”, she shot back. That could be worse than a Napoleon treatment, I sealed my straying thoughts.

I was in 3rd standard and she could not explain to me much at that tender age, her few sentences of asserting alertness did help me a lot. I had some of my Appa’s friends holding me a bit tight etc.. I would scream for my Ammai and tell her, “Uncle is giving me that ‘Pervert Touch’. Today, I feel how embarrassed that man would have been. Yes, when a girl grows up much earlier, she has to face the wrath of the popping eyes of few men around. I was growing faster than a sprout and I salute my Ammai for giving me those teachings. She was not bred in a MetroCity but knew how to tutor her kids. I would pass on all these messages to my friends when they were in 6th standard, yes; they were a bit late compared to me. “My mummy does not speak anything like that”, they would say.
I was busy protecting my friends from ‘Pervert Touch’ and harsh punishment of the Lord!

Ammai you were so advanced, I salute you!

I am happy to have learnt what those ‘Pervert Touch’ meant! If you have still not given your kid a lesson of it, make sure you do! My mom did!

(Ammai means Mother
Appa means Father)

[naarisakhi]

Mals
I think every parent should teach and talk to their children about this issues.
It is always good that your children learn about "The Prevert touch" from you rather than from outside source.
Hats off to your mother for talking to you at that young age. I appreciate it. We can all learn from this.

[mistydisa]

Readers should not be silent if they want to read more good stories and gather valuable information. We can gift our words to the writer.
Mals, Each of your writing has something to learn. "The Prevert touch" should be implemented by all the Womens. Your mother is brave.

[pannu2000]

Mals
You are great. Thsi is very important issue faced by Indian community. Most of the Indain parents avoid talking about such topics to their children. I think they should also talk to their boys about this.
Thanks for bringing up the issue. Every mother should talk to their kids about "prevert touch"

[malspie]

Hi Lakshmi,

I had drafted this thread couple of days ago and was pondering if it is right to post!

This thread was posted with a motive of reaching out to all Sakhi's to open up their mind, clean the cobwebs and teach their kids about the "Pervert Touch'.

I am glad that it has so far invited positive FB's.

Thank you for the encouragement.

[malspie]

Hi Misty,

I learnt about it at an early age and it was just coz my Mom decided to open the gateway to me. I have seen so many females unable to discuss it with their kids who in turn look for answers in friends, internet etc. and sometimes may get in to the wrong hands too.

Thanks babes for supporting my "Slogan" of "Encouraging Feedback".

[malspie]

Hi Pannu,

Yes, not only girls even guys should be explained about such touch. Nowadays the trend of "Gays" is 'IN' and we have to keep the children well informed to protect them from sexual abuse.

[rajmiarun]

Mals,
You know that my daughter is in her second standard. I have taught her good and bad touch when she was in her first standard.

Friends, pls dont laugh at me. I was so scared by some of the incidents happenning in the city and in our neighbour hood. I was also a victim of pervert touch myself, but as my mom had taught me, I was able to save myself. So thought I need to do it for my daughter also.

The most important point is, the parents should not just teach their kids, and leave it off. They should trust their kids. I know of a parent, who taught good touch and bad touch to her daughter, but when the daughter complained about people to her she scolded the girl, instead of taking things seriously. But the girl was shrewd enough to come out of such situations. The mother learnt the lesson a very hard way. The girl kept on complaining about her maternal uncle (this girl is just 10 years old), but the mother was not listening to it, and one day she saw with her raw eyes what her daughter is undergoing and then on she started trusting her daughter. The girl by that time had developed a sort of allergy towards menfolk and she started screaming at her own father. It took months for the parents to bring her back to normal.

That is no story, and it is a real life incident of one of my friend.

So dear parents, pls pls pls learn to trust your kids. At times, they might over react also. Still then as a parent, we should stand by the kids and should not let down our kids ever.

[malspie]

Hi Raj,

You are the woman of the Millennium!

You have done a wonderful job by teaching your child about the "pervert Touch".

Yes and another lesson TRUST YOUR KIDS AND LET THEM BE YOUR FRIEND PLEASE.

[rajmiarun]

TRUST YOUR KIDS AND LET THEM BE YOUR FRIEND PLEASE.

I take it as LET US BE THEIR FRIENDS, rather than let them be your friend. I have made sure that she treats me her best friend. She will talk about everything to me. Some might say that it is the kid's innocence that is letting her talk everything. But if you assure the kids that you can talk to them anything under the sun, then they will always do that even after loosing their innocence.

My parents, especially my father trusted me to the core, when I was pointed out to be doing something which I am not supposed to do in school. The principal, the teachers (who rode with us in the school bus) all were dead against me. It all happenned when I was in my 9th standard. It was like this, the driver and the conductor of the school bus were reading some books; and those books were kept in that seat which me and my friend and my brother used to occupy every day. And as I was the first person to board the bus that day, I saw the books in our seat and took them to the driver's seat and placed them there and returned to our place. This was seen by one of the teachers. My brother who climbed immediatly after me and my friend also saw what I was doing and the teacher also saw that my brother have seen this incident.

{The best part is, me and my brother we fight quite a bit (sibling fight is quite common you all know that); and me being the elder used to boss around my brother and he gets irritated by that at times. So we both always look like Tom and Jerry to others who travel with us. But no one knows that we are two great friends who will never let down each other and who will support if the truth is with the other's side.}

The teachers have seen us being Tom and Jerry and so they had thought that my brother will testify against me. The teacher who raised the complaint against me wanted me to be her daughter's best friend (One cannot become a best friend of another just for the sake that she is teacher's daughter and more over this girl had an attitude that she is teacher's daughter.) But when the principal asked my friend she said that I just kept the books in the driver's place. Not satisfied with her answer (they thought that she is trying to cover me up), they called my brother and asked who said very strongly that I didnt even glance at the book, just took them and threw them off near the driver's seat and infact the teacher took the book and saw the book. Saying so he went off.

My father who all along was telling the principal that I would have told him or atleast mother about that book as she have an habit of telling every other thing that happens in the school. And my brother's answer came as a bolt to all of them. And my father raised his voice against that teacher who blamed me. This is the way any parent should support their kids.

I learnt this from my father. Hats off to him.

[naarisakhi]

Mals
Naarisakhi is for the developement of women in all the direction. The Pervert touch is very important issue. Everybody should be aware of it. Thanks Mals for posting and throwing light on this issue.
Hi Lakshmi,

I had drafted this thread couple of days ago and was pondering if it is right to post!

This thread was posted with a motive of reaching out to all Sakhi's to open up their mind, clean the cobwebs and teach their kids about the "Pervert Touch'.

I am glad that it has so far invited positive FB's.

Thank you for the encouragement.

[sulu2000]

Mals
Hats off to your mother. Womens need to discuss this ytpe of issues with their children at a very young age.
Rajmi
Hats off to your father and brother. Parents should be a good friend to their kids and trust them.
Gals you have made this forum very intresting

[malspie]

Hi Lakshmi,

You have given me that special dose which has made me jump with joy.

Thank you Lakshmi!

[malspie]

Hey Sullu,

You are more than welcome my dear Sakhi.

[Nurani]

Hi all,

In my days I didn't get any advice or anything, may be because they were not needed. I couldn't have expected much from my mother,most of the days she was sick. She was an Asthma patient. Every other day she was sick.

But when My daughter was small that too when she was in class two/ three, we had to walk for a distance before we reached home. I saw some men trying to touch her face. That's always the first touch a girl gets. when I just stared at that fellow he said " bachhi to hai" and went off.

Then I sat down with her and told her everything about the " Pervert Touch"
After that she was always careful even if she didn't understand what was going on at that time.
Her brother was with her most of the time and so I had also told him to take care of his sister. Even after coming back to Chennai, he looked after his kid sister. Both had bicycles, he'll let her go in the front and follow her at a distance to see if everything was all right with her.

That was a nice write up Mals and of course you Rajmi with your tidbit. This is one awareness women / Mothers should develop. Nowadays most of the mothers are like that. We never feel shy about talking to our kids. I had always been a friend to both my kids and continuing even now.

[malspie]

Hi Nurani,

Three Cheers to you for teaching your kid at a tender age!

Very few mothers take this initiative!

I am proud of you Nurani! You are excellent.

[shilpagodge]

Hats off to you Nurani and to your son for being Big brother. I agree with you every women/mother should talk to their kids.
I have heard many stories where your nearest relatives do all this stupid things. Everybody should be aware of this no matter it is a girls child or a boy.

[ketaki2097]

Mals
Thanks a million for throwing light on "Prevert touch". Hats off to all parents who discuss with their kids on this issue. After reading Shilpas post, I was almost in tears as it brought back my bitter memories.
We had our cousin and her husband visiting every summer. He used to hold my hands in front of everybody and invite me to eat icecream or to sit with them for lunch. I was just 9 years old so everybody thought he is looking at me as kid. I did not like his touch for soem reason.
One day he hugged me and I was uncomfortable with his hug. His last stunt was he asked me touch his....
After that incident I ran away from him an never talked to him. Worst part was I could not talk to anybody at home about this inceident. First time I told this incident was to my friend when I was 17 years and this is the second time I am mentioning it since I feel all of you are like minded people and feel close to all Sakhis.
This incidenst still haunts me.
I plead to all parents "PLEASE BE A FRIEND TO YOUR CHILD AND DISCUSS WITH THEM ALL THE ISSUES"

[malspie]

Hi Shilpa

'Pervert Touch' lessons were vital for girl child in the 70's and 80's. Now we cannot say even boy child is safe! Girls may spill it out when cajoled or cuddled to someone whom they trust, but a boy child may bottle it up in his head and may grow up to a unpredictable kid!

We need to discuss it with our children and make them aware of the 'Pervert Touch'.

Thanks Shilpa for stepping in with a feedback.

[malspie]

Sakhi is a very precious word and leads to an inseparable bond!

We are all here to form the largest group of Sakhi's where we can come and discuss our problems, quote incidents which we would have never done so far and ease our heart and head.

Sakhi is our anchor, our motivator, our sunshine!

I am not shocked to read your post, men have taken advantage of girl child, here the boy was younger, in some cases it has been uncles, chacha's, kaka's etc who have exploited the innocent child!

Parents should have a small discussion on this topic only to make the child aware of it and also if she or he is victimised, will have the courage to spill it out to their parents as the kids have started seeking them as "Friends".

Please consider us as your extended family, may be your incident will make many hesitant parents to buck up and start tutoring their kids.

Cheero Babes, it is a past!

[shaila45]

Thanks Mals for your post on "The prevert Touch"
There are many children who are unaware of this. Most of the time it is your close family members who act stupid. Chikldren get pressured up to talk about this issue when it is one of the family memebr involved. They are scared that they wont be trusted by their parents.
Ketaki, it is past cheers up. As Mals said we are your Sakhis and we will be with you in joy and sorrow.
I dont see any boundary for Sakhi's bonds to grow.

[snehawagmare]

Mals
This is an important issue every mother/woemn shoudl talk to their childrens,naphew,neice. many parents do not open friendship with kids. Kids grow up with this hidden bitter truth affecting their presnality and overall development.

[malspie]

Hi Shaila,

You have hit the bulls eye by saying 'when the culprit is one of the relatives, kids get scared to disclose for fear of being not trusted'.

Many kids are silent sufferers of such devious acts and it is important for every mother to teach their kids.

Thanks sakhi for stepping in.

[malspie]

Hi Sneha,

A kid who grows with a bitter past experience will never be able to her/himself all her/his life.

Let us not rob the smile from a childs face, it is always better to teach them about 'Pervert Touch' to enable them to keep miscreants at bay.

[Tweety]

A very important lesson that every parent should teach their kids.

It is not so easy to talk to a child but it is very easy if you first win his or her confidence, be a friend to him or her so that they can come back to us and speak their heart out.

A lesson of "Pervert Touch" can make them defend themselves in their own ways, atleast they can shout for help and not quietly give in.

Wonderful post, Mals, you are genious.

[malspie]

Thankyou Tweety, you have been kind with praises.