ketaki2097
December 19th, 2008, 09:06 PM
I am not writer by profession. Mals post on Prevert touch made me write this story. Thanks Mals. Ignore sentence formation or grammer from this story. My goal is awarness among sakhis.
Don't let Monster touch your soul
Everybody advises me to bury things from past and move on and I totally agree one should move on. How do you move on when that monster keep entering your life repeatedly at every step? I am here make public a sick story so it is not repeated with any of my sakhis.
I was cheerful bubbly child loved by everybody at home, school and neighborhood. I loved to play, make friends and help my mother in household chores. I was my daddy’s darling.
My innocent laughter was taken away by monster. This monster still follows me wherever I go. I survived sickness for a major part of teen and youth and was seriously starting to think that he can’t touch me now, make me impure now, can’t use me now. I was so mistaken! All those memories carved in my mind make me feel equally dirty, and equally used.
One summer night my personality changed totally. I stopped talking to my friends, and family. I never went out and played with my friends neither made any new friends. My grades at School dropped. I wanted to be part of the children playing in the park but I could not.
One summer afternoon changed my life . It was summer vacation and monster visited us that summer vacation. He was my uncle (father’s cousin). He touched me for the very first time and I felt very dirty by his touch. He used to hold my hands in front of my parents and shockingly my parents did not feel that he was doing something wrong. I had a dirty feeling when he used to touch me. I did not realize what was happening. As the days pass, he moved to different parts of my body. As I grew older I realized why I am feeling dirty by his touch but it was too late. I was suffocating and feeling dirty about myself. He killed child inside me little by little every year. My personality changed totally. I became very silent child. This affected my studies followed by complaints from the teachers. Nobody stopped to think what made bubbly intelligent child a silent dumb kiddo. Not even my teachers or parents. They stopped me sitting near the window and watching other children play, no TV, no getogether. They made me study all the time. Unfortunately they did not stop my meetings with monster when he visited.
I am a person who keeps all emotions inside me. I never spoke to anyone about what I felt. And that left a big hollow feeling inside me. I never told anyone about how I was feeling back then, initially because I was too young to understand what was happening. When I realized what was happening it was too late. I had lost everything. I did not tell anyone out of shame, embarrassment, and guilt. All those times he molested me, I looked down upon myself. I blamed myself for his acts. But now when I look back I feel that it was his sickness not mine, his filthy mind not mine.
And all those opportunities to speak out about it openly and make it stop were being snatched away from me initially by my ignorance and then doubts about my parents not believing in me.
I had the courage to face this and get out of it but I will not let another child touched by a monster.
And believe me,if you don’t talk about it you are motivating monster to ruin our loving childrens. Keeping silent is followed by multiple problems, physically and emotionally and mentally. I am a survivor.
In India, there is very little awareness about child molestation and is not very openly talked about. Parents do not understand the change in their child's behavior. Parents trust neighbors and elderly people. Parents need to start paying more attention to the way the child is being touched.
My childhood was ruined by monster. Don’t let your child’s childhood ruined by another monster.
And it also made me realize that unless we dont stand up for ourselves, everyone will just stamp all over us, treating us like doormat and worse. And it is high time that we put an end to such an affairs at any age, at any place whether it is your own home, train, bus, mall or your husband’s boss.
Don’t let Monster touch your soul.
Don't let Monster touch your soul
Everybody advises me to bury things from past and move on and I totally agree one should move on. How do you move on when that monster keep entering your life repeatedly at every step? I am here make public a sick story so it is not repeated with any of my sakhis.
I was cheerful bubbly child loved by everybody at home, school and neighborhood. I loved to play, make friends and help my mother in household chores. I was my daddy’s darling.
My innocent laughter was taken away by monster. This monster still follows me wherever I go. I survived sickness for a major part of teen and youth and was seriously starting to think that he can’t touch me now, make me impure now, can’t use me now. I was so mistaken! All those memories carved in my mind make me feel equally dirty, and equally used.
One summer night my personality changed totally. I stopped talking to my friends, and family. I never went out and played with my friends neither made any new friends. My grades at School dropped. I wanted to be part of the children playing in the park but I could not.
One summer afternoon changed my life . It was summer vacation and monster visited us that summer vacation. He was my uncle (father’s cousin). He touched me for the very first time and I felt very dirty by his touch. He used to hold my hands in front of my parents and shockingly my parents did not feel that he was doing something wrong. I had a dirty feeling when he used to touch me. I did not realize what was happening. As the days pass, he moved to different parts of my body. As I grew older I realized why I am feeling dirty by his touch but it was too late. I was suffocating and feeling dirty about myself. He killed child inside me little by little every year. My personality changed totally. I became very silent child. This affected my studies followed by complaints from the teachers. Nobody stopped to think what made bubbly intelligent child a silent dumb kiddo. Not even my teachers or parents. They stopped me sitting near the window and watching other children play, no TV, no getogether. They made me study all the time. Unfortunately they did not stop my meetings with monster when he visited.
I am a person who keeps all emotions inside me. I never spoke to anyone about what I felt. And that left a big hollow feeling inside me. I never told anyone about how I was feeling back then, initially because I was too young to understand what was happening. When I realized what was happening it was too late. I had lost everything. I did not tell anyone out of shame, embarrassment, and guilt. All those times he molested me, I looked down upon myself. I blamed myself for his acts. But now when I look back I feel that it was his sickness not mine, his filthy mind not mine.
And all those opportunities to speak out about it openly and make it stop were being snatched away from me initially by my ignorance and then doubts about my parents not believing in me.
I had the courage to face this and get out of it but I will not let another child touched by a monster.
And believe me,if you don’t talk about it you are motivating monster to ruin our loving childrens. Keeping silent is followed by multiple problems, physically and emotionally and mentally. I am a survivor.
In India, there is very little awareness about child molestation and is not very openly talked about. Parents do not understand the change in their child's behavior. Parents trust neighbors and elderly people. Parents need to start paying more attention to the way the child is being touched.
My childhood was ruined by monster. Don’t let your child’s childhood ruined by another monster.
And it also made me realize that unless we dont stand up for ourselves, everyone will just stamp all over us, treating us like doormat and worse. And it is high time that we put an end to such an affairs at any age, at any place whether it is your own home, train, bus, mall or your husband’s boss.
Don’t let Monster touch your soul.