me and my hubby

[sunidi12]

My hubby is a loving person and cares for me a lot. He will do everything and anything for me and support me in all the issues. My problem is whenever there is third person present in between us he will try to act very differently. he wil show that I am under his control totally and put me down for everything.
I dont understand his behaviour. Please help.

[mukti]

It looks like he wants to prove the outside world that he is the king of the house. I would suggest talk to him and discuss with him this issue. Let him know how he feels.
I know people from one part of the country(I dont want to mention and offend anybody) mostly are very rude to the wife in front of outside world and very helpful when nobody is around. It may be the culture.

[sunidi12]

Thanks Mukti for the advice.

[malspie]

Hi Sunidi,

I was totally shocked to read what you are going through.

My uncle and aunt tied the knot after few years of courtship. My uncle is very loving, caring, helps in household chores, does not mind going to the tailor also with her clothes and suggest patterns for her saree blouse, shops for her, manages everything at home and does not feel shy about it, though he holds a very senior position in a renowned bank.

His only weakness was his temper and he was famous for it too. We kiddos would keep a distance from him.

He also had this unique style of behaviour of knocking down his beloved in the presence of a third party, if my aunt passes even one sentence, he has to raise his voice and tell her, "What are you trying to say, your world is small, husband and kids, how can you comment....blah....".

She would hold a smile and continue with her soft voice a small argument and later give it up.

They are still the same and by now all the visitors who know them have rated my uncle "Male Chauvinist" and my Aunt a "Sweet Honey:.

How much ever he tried, he could not earse that title from the mind of others.

The public is smart, they know everything.

I also feel before he tries to knock you down, you start praising him to the gallore, my husband is very talented, he is the best, he is the king, he is......................... and keep doing it, till he asks you why are you doing so.

Then you can tell him, he does not have to use his tactics to prove he is the KING!!!!!!!!

:D

[mistydisa]

Sunidi, If you discuss with your hubby he will not admit his behaviour and very less chances of listening. I agree with Mals advice, it may work.

[sunidi12]

This weekend I am having some guest over for dinner, they are our good friends who knows my hubbys abnormal behaviour. Mals Ill try your trick and let you gals know what happens.

[rajmiarun]

Waiting for your feedback Sunidhi. I am sure it will work.

Main reason for your husband's behaviour might be, you are a great cook and your visitors and relatives praise your cooking a lot. You should be a person, who decorates and keeps the house very neat and clean. You should be a person who have a great dress and colour sense. I am sure you will put a tick mark to all of these. I have seen such behaviour in one of my very close friend. He is a real nice person. As far as I know him (I know him for almost 10 to 12 years now), he is very helpful and responsible too. But he cannot tolerate if some one praises his wife's skills. Infact I have so many times had a good fight with him for his behaviour.

[sunidi12]

Gals thanks for your advice.
Rajmi thanks for your appreciation, I have certain qualities but not that great, I am on 7th cloud by reading your FB :). By reading FB's I feel there must be many people who go through this.
I tried Mals advice. I praised my hubby but in limits. I did not wanted him to feel I am doing it with purpose. We were having discussion about newly elect president Obama and he put me down as if I dont know anything. I just smiled and later praised him infront of friends that he reads on current affairs and keep him uptodate on latest information.
I praised him couple of times, when my friends left he asked me " why were you praising me?'
I said you are very smart and intelligent and you deserve the praise.
I think this trick will work as he did nto put me down as often as he used to before
Thanks gals. Love you all.

[malspie]

Hi Sunidi,

I am extremely thrilled to know that he did not let you down last time, he will never again, praise him, keep praising him, let him sit on a golden throne ...

[sunkan]

like all ur friends here it is a condensed reply i feel also the same just keep praising and they will be on top of the world, also try to praise him in front of your friends and always include if it had not been for him kind i would not had finished all these stuff for the party in a jiffy and you will see it will all fall in line, i had this problem when he was in his home front and would just go by as once he is home is fine and back to normal...sunkan

[sunidi12]

Thanks Mals and Sunkan for your valuable advice. So far the trick of praising works. I did not implement it 100 percent. Slowly and steadily I will do it. I dont want him or our friends notice my behaviour and also want to appear natural.

[malspie]

Hi Sunidi,

Gradually let the bar of praise raise to 100%, no harm, for the moment you are rocking as you are slowly getting away from his insults and let you down actions and words.

I am happy for you.

[sunidi12]

Gals thanks a lot, your trick works. I am sure I am not the only one with this problem. You do not have to declare your problem but surely cna follow this advice it works. Hurrayyy!!!!!

[easycrafts]

Mals u have shared an excellent idea..I think even diverting the talk at such time to some other topic will also help..Am happy for ur sunidi that u problem is almost solved..NS is bringing a cheer in the lives of so many of us

[sunidi12]

EC, thats true that sakhis are helping each other. I feel like my "MAIKA" here hehehe. I cannot log in regularly but I manage to take a quick pick.